Family Picnics are a Pain
by Red Witch
Summary: Magneto tries some family bonding with Pietro and Wanda outside the Brotherhood. But after a stowaway is discovered he wonders if he was better off bonding with duct tape instead.


**The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters has taken a little trip somewhere. Here's a Brotherhood family bonding fic that sprung from my deranged little mind. He he…**

**Family Picnics Are A Pain**

"This was a good idea Father," Wanda said as they drove into the country. "Having a family picnic with just the three of us."

"Yes," Magneto's face was grim. He was almost as pale as the cream colored suit he wore. "What **wasn't **a good idea was letting your brother drive!"

"Man this is great!" Pietro whooped as he drove. "I told you this baby could break a hundred!"

"Pietro I'm gonna break **your neck** if you don't slow down!" Wanda shouted.

"And if she doesn't **I** will!" Magneto snapped.

"So we knocked over a few road signs? Big deal," Pietro groaned as he slowed the car down. "See I'm slowing down."

"We are still going at over a hundred miles per hour!" Magneto snapped. "I already had to tie up one police officer with his motorcycle! I don't want to litter the highway with them! Slow down!"

"Oh all right," Pietro reluctantly slowed down. "Man what's the point of driving a Mercedes if you can't break a few speed limits!"

"Pietro, we almost broke the **sound barrier** back there!" Wanda snapped.

"You keep saying that like it's a bad thing," Pietro grumbled. "Hey! This looks like a good spot!" He pointed to the side of the road.

"Anywhere looks like a good spot," Magneto's stomach was a bit unsettled from the fast drive. Pietro made a fast stop that jolted him. "Quicksilver, remind me to have someone give you some driving lessons."

"But I already know how to drive," Pietro told him.

"No…you **don't**…" Magneto muttered as he got out of the car. "Trust me on this…"

"Well now that we're here at least we can enjoy ourselves," Wanda said as she got out of the car. "I just can't wait to have a picnic like we used to."

"Yes…Like we used to," Magneto tried to remain as cheerful as possible, secretly vowing to kill a certain telepath whenever he got the chance. He pulled his son aside. "Pietro, remind me to do something very painful and humiliating to Mastermind when all of this is over."

"Hey you heard what he said," Pietro whispered back. "He specifically said that by recreating those false memories there's a good chance she won't remember her real past. What? You want her to go back to hunting us down and wanting to tear us both to shreds?"

"Well maybe not **both **of us," Magneto glared at him. "But I do see your point."

"Hey but this is a nice place," Pietro zoomed around like a demented humming bird. "Nobody around! No insects, no smog…"

"No witnesses around to see how insane my son is," Magneto muttered to himself as he went to the trunk to get out the picnic basket. He found something extra. "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?"

"Uh, Hi there!" Todd waved weakly from the trunk.

"TOAD!" Magneto grabbed him by the collar.

"Toad? What are **you** doing here?" Wanda shouted. "How did you get in our trunk?"

"Pietro stuffed me in it," Todd blinked.

"Oh yeah," Pietro chuckled nervously. "I forgot I did that…"

"And you did that **why?**" Wanda glared at him.

"Uh well it's a funny story really," Pietro gulped.

"So how are you doing Snookums?" Todd waved.

**"Snookums?"** Magneto roared.

"Father if you wanna kill him go right ahead!" Wanda snapped.

"But Honeybunch…" Todd wailed.

"Don't you **honeybunch** me!" Wanda snapped as she hexed him out of her father's hands and into a tree.

"**Honeybunch?** Pietro…" Magneto glared at him.

"Oh did I forget to mention that Toad has a slight crush on Wanda?" Pietro gulped. "I think she likes him too…"

"I DO NOT!" Wanda snapped and hexed him in place so he couldn't run away. "Why'd you bring him here Pietro? What on earth would **possess** you to ruin my family, Toad Free afternoon picnic!"

"Ow…" Todd whimpered.

"I'm waiting Pietro," Wanda tapped her foot impatiently. "Why'd you do it?"

"He blackmailed you didn't he?" Magneto glared at him.

"Who? **Toad?** No! Come on Father I can handle a little twerp like him," Pietro laughed even more nervously. "Give me some credit."

"What did you **do?**" Magneto glared at him.

"Nothing! I didn't do anything! You don't have to be suspicious! Toad's really the guilty party here! Shouldn't you punish him?" Pietro babbled. "Yeah punish Toad!"

"All right, Toad I'm going to punish you. Unless you tell me exactly how you blackmailed Quicksilver into sneaking you into the car," Magneto said calmly.

"Pietro took one of your credit cards and charged himself a new wardrobe," Todd said quickly.

"I needed new clothes!" Pietro said. "That's a legitimate expense! I just needed a few essentials!"

"From Paris?" Todd asked.

"PARIS? PARIS FRANCE?" Magneto roared.

"Sure wasn't Paris, Texas," Todd said.

"Shut up Toad!" Pietro snapped. "It was a scouting mission."

"Yeah he was scouting down the latest supermodels," Todd said. "He even took a lot of pictures of them at that fashion show he went to."

"I see…" Magneto glared at his son.

"He also got himself a new TV and DVD player," Todd added.

"This is about me not taping that stupid frog National Geographic Special isn't it?" Pietro glared at Todd.

"He also went over to Bayville High one night and painted it purple," Todd added. "The grass too. **That** was for you not taping my special!"

"Do you see what I have to live with sometimes?" Wanda snapped.

"Why do you think I keep them away from my base of operations?" Magneto told her.

"He took your spare helmet and he pretends to be you sometimes," Todd said.

"Liar!" Pietro snapped. "Father he is totally lying about that!"

"No that's **definitely** true," Wanda sighed. "I wasn't going to say anything but since Toad brought it up…"

"I have some tapes of him if you want to see," Todd added. "They're really funny!"

"I've said it before and I'll say it again," Magneto muttered to himself. "I locked up the wrong twin!"

"What did you say Father?" Wanda asked.

"Uh…" Magneto thought quickly. "I should have locked up that Schwin. You know that bicycle Pietro had when he was a child?"

Wanda had a strange look in her eyes. "Bicycle? What bicycle? I don't remember a bicycle."

"Uh, sure you do right Sis?" Pietro was getting very worried.

"No…No it's all blurry," Wanda frowned. She was definitely confused. "Crazy…something crazy…bars…screaming…What…happened?" She started to power up.

"Oh no…" Magneto had a sick feeling to his stomach.

But it wasn't as sick as Wanda's when Todd hopped up to her, kissed her on the cheek and hugged her. "Someone needs a hug today!"

"AND YOU ARE GOING TO NEED A COFFIN FOR TOMORROW!" Wanda hexed him off. "I TOLD YOU NEVER TO TOUCH ME AGAIN YOU LITTLE WART!"

"But you seemed so sad," Todd said meekly.

"I was…Never mind!" Wanda threw her hands up. "I forgot what I was thinking of. Oh wait I remember!" She hexed a nearby tree and it nearly fell on Todd. "I was going to kill you!"

"Now hold on Babycakes…" Todd held up his hands. "Can't we just work on our problems in couple's therapy?"

"YOU ARE GONNA NEED PHYSICAL THERAPY WHEN I GET THROUGH WITH YOU!" Wanda screamed as she hexed various rocks and sticks and chased Todd around.

"AHHHHHH!" Todd screamed.

"Whew! That was a close call," Pietro wiped his brow.

"A little **too** close for comfort," Magneto growled.

"Ironically the only thing that keeps her from remembering is Toad," Pietro explained.

"Are you telling me, that the only person around here that can truly keep Wanda under control is **Toad?**" Magneto gasped.

"Yeah, if she wasn't so annoyed with him, she'd have killed us all a long time ago," Pietro said.

"Let me get this straight," Magneto watched as Wanda chased Todd all over the place. "If for some bizarre reason something happened to Toad, Wanda would regain her memories?"

"Yeah, I guess Mastermind didn't do as good a job as you thought he did," Pietro shrugged.

"Maybe he will do better as your driving instructor," Magneto clenched his teeth.

"AAHHHH! CUDDLEBUMPS PLEASE!" Todd screamed as he was barely squashed by another falling tree. "Don't be hatin'! Be lovin'!"

"I'd love to kill **you!**" Wanda screamed as she finally hexed Todd and held him in place.

"Wanda! Enough!" Magneto ordered. "Let him go!"

"But Father!" Wanda protested.

"Now!" Magneto ordered and Todd was released. "Wanda try not to be so hard on the boy. Although I admit he is a repulsive, annoying little worm…He is very loyal and patient…and…and…"

"Handsome?" Todd blinked.

"Don't push your luck," Magneto glared at him. "However Wanda if you still want to kill someone, I suggest you start with your brother!"

"WHAT? NO!" Pietro shouted.

"Okay," Wanda shrugged. "He's more fun to torture anyway." She began to chase him around using the picnic basket and its' contents.

"EWWW! THIS BANANA CREAM PIE IS NEVER COMING OUT OF MY CLOTHES!" Pietro screamed.

"Toad in light of…various information," Magneto said. "Perhaps it's not such a bad idea that you do spend a little more time with Wanda."

"NOT THE SILVERWARE! NOT THE SILVERWARE! YEOW!" Pietro screamed.

"Make that a lot more time with Wanda…" Magneto blanched.

"You mean you're giving us your blessing?" Todd blinked.

"OW! NO! DON'T PUT THE STRAWBERRIES **THERE!**"

"That's one way of putting it I guess…" Magneto sighed.

"Thanks Dad!" Todd gave Magneto a hug. "I love you!"

"I think I was better off when Wanda was trying to kill me…" Magneto put his head in his hands.


End file.
